Sunday, May 06, 2007

So loooong...

The facts are: more and more people get divorced each year and people are losing faith in marriage/life-long relationships. There were 14,000 divorce cases in Puerto Rico in 2006 (25,000 people got married). Spain is the EU member in which marriages last longer, an ¨astonishingly¨ 13.8 years.

Why? Why do we make the difficult decision to spend the rest of our lives with another person and then fail miserably in so many cases? Is there a way we could save the drama? Let it be clear that I´ve never been married, let alone been in a relationship that lasted more than 8 months. But I think a good way to analyze this is in terms of goals and outcome.

Think of the many times you´ve heard somebody say ¨I´m ready to settle, at this time in MY life, finding a partner for the rest of MY life is what I need.¨ Their GOAL is to spend the rest of their life with someone (mistakingly identified with marriage). The outcome is very likely to be a STRIIIIIKEEE 1!! after a few years.

Now ask a couple that´s been together for, say, 30 years. Ask them ¨how do you do it?¨ You´ll get an answer that talks about them living for the other person, loving the other person everyday is the goal. As a result (OUTCOME), they´ve been able to spend their lives together.

How about changing the approach to marriage from the mindset of ¨I want to spend the rest of my life with someone, let´s go out and find her¨ to ¨I want to make someone happy that will make me happy, and as a result spend the rest of our lives together¨? Make the other person´s happiness your goal, and find someone with the same intention.

This is another smallapproachtothebigpicture. What´s yours?


Anonymous said...

I´ve been married in a very loving relationship for 32 years to date. I agree completely with you. We have to love!
The day I got married, I only thought: This is going to last, because I´ll put all I can into this relationship.... and I KNEW my husband to be,was willing to do that too..It has been a beautiful life for both,and we still love and treasure each other daily!Our children have learned! MAMA

Anonymous said...

Yes it was a sounds good, and this is the way it was intended to be....if it doesn´t come out this way lately, is because people don´t have the guts to try their best to keep loving and putting all their best into the relationship. It has to be mutual! And noone seems to be willing to sacrifice in this materialistic wolrd we lilve in. how sad! It can be beautiful, believe shared with love, is the epitome of happiness